Compromise vs Co-create

Compromise is a good thing…right?

In a world full of conflict, where our leaders seem to only be fighting for themselves or a narrow set of interests, it often seems like we could use a lot more compromise. You know, a willingness negotiate with each other and come to a middle ground. How about in our personal relationships? If we could just meet each other half-way, wouldn’t that put an end to most disagreements?

Sometimes it does. Frequently it deepens issues and becomes a barrier to connection. Here’s why…

When we enter into connection with others by attempting to fulfill a need or desire, we are not really relating to the other person(s), we are relating to our need/desire. Often they are doing the same with us. Invariably we discover the places where our needs/desires do not align with them and we find ourselves in conflict. Compromise is usually the path that seems most logical.

“I will give up some of what I want, if you give up some of what you want”

The problem with this orientation? No one gets what they want.

This is a Lose/Lose proposition and becomes a breeding ground for resentment and unfulfilling relationships. So long as we are oriented to our needs/desires and not the actual person(s) we are not really creating connection.

There is another stance we can take. I’ll call it Co-Creation

When we adopt this orientation we are in connection from the outset. The question shifts from “What can I get from you?” to “What can we create together?” When two or more people are operating from a true desire to connect, the flow of creative energy is automatic and the possibilities are infinite.

This is precisely the paradigm shift we are trying to foster through Cuddle Party. Participants often come with a preformed idea of what sort of experience they wish to have. Maybe they hope to receive a back rub. But what happens when no one wants to give them a back rub or is only willing to do it for a short time so they can get what they want? Well sometimes people are disappointed. That’s ok. We don’t always get what we want. Fact of life, right? Yes…..

….but sometimes the desire to be in connection with each other subsumes the impulse to chase needs/desires and they find that the creative flow from just this shift creates beautiful opportunities neither of them would have thought of on their own.

When this happens, I frequently hear things like “It just seemed completely natural to do _____ with them”, or “I never would have thought that I would have so much fun with that person”.

Cuddle Party is a perfect low stakes environment to practice this way of interacting with others. Come check it out and experiment with how it feels. See below for a link to the next event in NYC!